Old People Sex (and Other Highly Offensive Poems)
Sunday, 26 April 2020
It’s taken a few years but, because lockdown seems to have given me so much free time, I’ve finally got round to publishing a collection of my most extreme and offensive poems.
Granny pulled
on her surgical stockings
She put her
false teeth in the glass
She took the
Tena pad out of her panties
And said,
“Grandpa, could you please fuck my a**?”
If you’ve ever heard any of my poetry, you’ll be aware that I tend to favour an extreme form of verse that dances between offensive and outrageous as I strive to amuse an audience. If you haven’t heard any of my poetry, I think the title Old People Sex (and Other Highly Offensive Poems) should give you a clear idea of what to expect.
“I got horny
last month at the bingo
When I called
house on a sixty-nine.
It’s been decades
since I’ve taken one hard up the chuff
And you ought
to be there this time.”
“So, I’m here
and I’m hot and I’m horny,
And my teeth
are in the Steradent glass.
I slipped
Viagra into your Horlicks
So please do
me now, up the a**.”
It’s a collection that
contains favourite titles such as ‘The Ballad of Poor, Simple Dave’, ‘One Way
Traffic?’ and the perennially popular tribute to Edgar Allan Poe, ‘Midget Porn’. If you enjoy a bawdy laugh, there will be
something in this collection that should work for you.
Well Grandpa,
he did try to please her
As she lay
there with her legs spread wide
He gave her a
cuddle, and a bit of a kiss,
And then
teased her piles to one side.
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